🌞
This week I’ve been reminded of how noisy life can get, and how easy it is to fail to notice when that noise overtakes whatever gives you meaning and joy. Like whack-a-mole, a task-based mindset sometimes has us knocking things down as fast as they are setup and feeling pretty good about it too (who doesn’t love a dopamine hit). For me, I know I’m losing sight of more important things when I hear myself talking too much – it’s a sign that my listening level has dropped.
Perversely, perhaps, what puts me back on track is not tuning into other people and trying harder to listen first. The reset for me is solitude; making time to be alone; making time for silence in my life. An extremely inventive pre-Socratic philosopher, Empedocles, wrote that the mind cannot become complete and well-rounded without some amount of solitude – that definitely matches my lived experience. Reducing the noise allows me to see where I’m falling off the path of who I want to be. Time alone makes it impossible for me to ignore what I should be working on, how I’m feeling, and to notice what I’ve stopped listening to in myself.
Over the years, solitude and silence have been catalysts for the veil to drop away; for me to face things I was quite content to run and hide from; the parts of myself that are not shiny and magical, as my ego would have me believe. Once I started discovering myself this way; started learning what I could work on, I found that making time for silence also allowed me to hear others, often as if for the first time – as if my ears were muffled to that point. Silence doesn’t just open the mind, but also the heart – the fundamental truth that both thinking and feeling are necessary, is inescapable when you sit quietly, for long enough.
Just what constitutes “long enough”, and just how you go about getting there, is likely to be a very personal process. Meditation might help, but I’d say it is not essential. The most important thing is cultivating the ability to stay quiet; to resist the need to fill the void, along with finding some space and time to be apart from others. I’ve written before about the power of journaling at the beginning or end of your day (or both if you can), so that could be a way to begin. It could also be a lunchtime walk, a few minutes of reflection before you connect your phone for the day, anything that is just you, in relative silence (dogs, traffic, nature, can all co-exist with this – perfect silence is never the goal).
The good news is, that even a very small amount of practice will begin to open (or re-open) your soul, and it’s easier to find your way back each time you get a little lost – as I did this week. Like everything, simply beginning is the first step – the rest will follow 😊
These have been my most helpful reminders:
“By withdrawing from the world into solitude, you separate yourself from others. By isolating yourself, you can see more clearly what distinguishes you from other people. Standing out in this way serves to affirm your existence. Liberated from social pressures and constraints, solitude can help you understand better what kind of person you are and what your life is for. In this way you become independent of others. You find your own path, your own voice.
Here lies the paradox of solitude. Look long and hard enough at yourself in isolation and suddenly you will see the rest of humanity staring back. Sustained aloneness brings you to a tipping point where the pendulum of life returns you to others.” – Stephen Batchelor, The Art of Solitude
“You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts. And when you can no longer dwell in the solitude of your heart you live in your lips, and sound is a diversion and a pastime.
And in much of your talking, thinking is half murdered. For thought is a bird of space, that in a cage of words may indeed unfold its wings but cannot fly.” – Kahlil Gilbran, The Prophet
Finally, I hope that you remember to make time for yourself, try to take care of others, and search for joy in whatever you’re doing. Don’t worry if you don’t find it every day; just keep looking, just do the work – it’ll come.
Cheers,
Kyle
Copyright belongs to Maurice Sendak, from Open House for Butterflies