Life as a mean stack
🌞
Where do you want to be today? Who do you want to be, or be with today? I ask myself those questions every day, since 2-3 years ago. The thinking goes like this: if >80% of the time, I can answer “here” and “who I am” or “with the people I’m with”, then I am exactly where I should be.
I have added other questions to the routine, but those 2 stay constant – at least in part because I find myself caring less about the answer to most others. For the most part at least, being with people I want to be with, in a place where I can operate from safety and love, is usually enough to cause things to happen that bring me happiness; importantly, happiness that is less connected to receiving or achieving, and more to serving and appreciating.
The 80% is somewhat arbitrary (current average is probably >95%), but I wrote down the thought process that got me there in the first place:
A spike in happiness, is chemically connected to dopamine production in humans.
Dopamine is short lived, and as a result creates a desire for a further spike (and so on to addiction)
If I am always chasing ‘the next thing’ to experience happiness, then I will soon run out of time to even enjoy that short buzz (it’s self-defeating ultimately).
So, a happiness that stretches out (and takes less effort) is a better goal.
For that, different happiness chemicals are needed, ones that are linked to connection (serotonin, oxytocin).
It also needs a slower data uptake speed – because haste encourages the same vicious adrenaline cycle that got me here in the first place.
And the data sources should be reliable, so questing and searching (again dopamine fuellers) are avoided.
If I can use whatever is in front of me, take repeatable steps, and evaluate more by season than second, then a ‘long happiness’ may evolve.
So far, this outcome focused experiment is a success – in a ‘quiet smile’ kind of way. I still have those dopamine days; I’m still human after all 😉. But I am less inclined to chase and demand – because when I come down from that and take a look around, I find I am already here.
The post title, incidentally, is a corruption of a technology reference I’m currently playing with – a play on words, where an average of contentment, obtained from a small set of inexpensive things, can become a powerful way of living 😊
Things I’m reading that make me sound less crazy (to myself at least):
“Breathing in, I know I am breathing in. Breathing out, I know I am breathing out.
Breathing in, I see myself as a flower. Breathing out, I feel fresh.
Breathing in, I see myself as a mountain. Breathing out, I feel solid.
Breathing in, I see myself as still water. Breathing out, I reflect all that is.
Breathing in, I see myself as space. Breathing out, I feel free” – Thich Nhat Hanh
“What lifestyle do you love 80% of the time?
No lifestyle is perfect 100% of the time. I love having a few days each year to relax on the beach - but I wouldn't want to do that every day, or even most days.
What lifestyle feels ideal for you most of the time? Cultivate that.” – James Clear, this week's 3-2-1
“I have lived with several Zen masters -- all of them cats.” – Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
Finally, I hope that you remember to make time for yourself, try to take care of others, and search for joy in whatever you’re doing. Don’t worry if you don’t find it every day; just keep looking, just do the work – it’ll come.
Cheers,
Kyle
My walk this morning, with the woman I love