Setting things on fire for the right reasons
🌞
Life is a strange thing. By nature, you are striving if you are surviving – because we wither and die whenever growth in some form ends. Sure, it gets complicated; the luxury of brains that have spare capacity for things like philosophy and introspection gives ‘growth’ more dimensions. But the essence is the same, whether physiologically or metaphorically: wanting more, to become somehow greater.
Where I think it becomes strange, is when it stops. That stopping, whether the candle burns until wax and wick are satisfyingly diminished, or snuffed out while still a Firestarter (twisted or otherwise 😉), is our last chance to measure what was actually achieved. Of course, ironically, only others can take meaning from the measurement after that.
I sat in such measurement this week, not because I’m in any position to judge, but because when someone can no longer evaluate themselves, their last gift is reminding others that in such evaluation we might discover some insight about what it is we are trying to create in ourselves.
Of course, we should pause and ponder this regularly, but too often don’t. Sitting in a room, reflecting with others on how much dimmer it is without that one candle burning, is an unavoidable pause, a cosmic mirror fixed just in front of your nose so to speak.
So, how do you measure a life well-lived? It shouldn’t be a comparison, in that I’m confident. Whether you see good or bad in the lives of others is somewhat irrelevant – they are as they are, as you am what you am (poetic license rather than egregiously poor grammar I promise). A more valid observation for me this week was that a collection of memories, many of them not my own, became an opportunity to ask what I want of myself, and why. I wasn’t looking into the distance for the destination, but seeing all the post-it notes behind me, reminding me what I’m already working on; reminding me that there is still more I can do.
Some of my reading this week, that either adds to my answer, or might help me see the next opportunity for measurement before it’s too late to make use of it:
"A great relationship is not only finding the person you have fun with, but also finding the person you want to be bored with. The beauty of long-term relationships is often hidden in boring, ordinary moments." – James Clear, Atomic Habits
"A healthy eye must see all that is visible and not say “No bright colors, please!” That would be a symptom of eye disease. And so a healthy mind must be ready for everything that happens, but a mind that says, “I’d like to be praised by everyone for everything I do,” is like an eye that wants only pale colors" – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 10.35
"A spider counts it a great achievement to have caught a fly, as one man does if he catches a small hare, another a sprat in his net, another wild boars, another bears, and another Sarmatians. The point being that, if you examine their principles, they’re all robbers, aren’t they?" – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 10.10
“Journaling is a way to ask tough questions: Where am I standing in my own way? What’s the smallest step I can take toward a big thing today? Why am I so worked up about this? What blessings can I count right now? Why do I care so much about impressing people? What is the harder choice I’m avoiding? Do I rule my fears, or do they rule me? How will today’s difficulties reveal my character?” - Ryan Holiday, Stillness is the Key
Finally, I hope that you remember to make time for yourself, try to take care of others, and search for joy in whatever you’re doing. Don’t worry if you don’t find it every day; just keep looking, just do the work – it’ll come.
Cheers,
Kyle
